Whoops...

I have been rather lax of late as regards daily updates... my bad...

So I'll make it up to everyone with a teaser trailer from my Corsican adventures last summer!!!

A whole video all about me!!!

Eoin Hurst Promo video

My name is Eoin.

I have been absent for a while, and now i shall make a calamitous return with a verbose summary of what I have accomplished since my playgirl shoot.

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Romanian refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Pizzas in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a Mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

Speed-oh

Well here they are, the new line. At this stage I'm sure you're all familiar with the turquoise, 2006 team edition, well these are the brand new 2007 team speedos. The boys at Speedo and I have been working hard over the past few months in order to bring you an even better, all round pair which encompass both functionality and, more importantly, package pronouncing style. All the NUIG kayak club, canoe polo team will be doning these fashion defining trunks at the annual intervarsities competition this Feburary.
I'm, sure you've spotted a few of the changes we've made. First of all they're pink, the reason for this is that pink is just a bit more en vogue, instead of the turquoise line which ran for the last three years. Now, for the more technical stuff. You have probably noticed that it's a much more conservative cut than last year's, this is due to the volume of feedback we got stating 'spillage' to be a major issue. We also feel the new conservative cut provides for an altogether more stylish, refined look, while still presenting enought thigh to enable them to ooze that familiar Hurst Sex appeal which you've come to know and love.
As well as the regular edition, there is also a special 'chaser' version available, specifically for the canoe polo position of chaser. These are, essentially, the same as the regular edition except with the text "CHASER" printed on the front, above the package pod and the text "CHASE THIS!" on the back.
As always, these sumptious speedos are available from all good sports equipment retailers for the price of €69.99 or by mail order (+€4 p&p). Personally, I can't wait to see the team (and more importantly, photographs of myself) proudly sporting these sexy bad boys at the Intervarsities. Why not show your support for Team Hurst by buying a pair and wearing them as you cheer me (and the rest of Team Hurst) on from the stands.

Are you there guys? It's me, Eoin.

If you thought my life revolved purely around pushing the limits of what is humanly possible in a kayak you would be 100% right to an extent. I've had a taste of the sweet, sweet treacle that is fame and I figure that my famous face (and infamous buns ;) could be used to do some good in this cruel world that you live in. I decided to devote the few minutes of "Hurst Time" I have each day to helping the needy: ugly babies, old ladies about to keel over, pathetic animals such as guinea fowl, kiwis and amputee pandas, etc.

Recently I have turned my attention to puppies, not only do they symbolise my cute and caring side, they also make for great photo opportunites which illustrate my cute and caring side. This is a picture of me frolicking about with little Sprinkledaisy, a terminally-ill golden retriever (I know, because I poisoned her). Spending time with Sprinkledaisy has really made me look at life in a different way, If she can remain upbeat and cheerful even after that crippling dose of arsenic which I administered, then surely so can I when things don't go exactly as I would have hoped.

I think there is a message here which we can all learn from: If you could try to be just a small bit more like me, you would lead an immesurably better life. Now don't say it's not attainable, although you may not have my looks or my solid gold hair, or my drive or my passion or my strength or my stamina or my physique! (woah, sorry, got a bit carried away there) you can still try, and if you fail (and let's face it, you probably will) at least you can say you failed while attempting to reach the pinnacle of perfection. I am Eoin Hurst.

And Now, Something Completly Different

Well, it was inevitable wasn't it? I mean, they had to ask sometime. I won't lie, when I got the call I was pretty stoked, Sure I've done other magazine covers: Bavarian Butts, H&H etc. but I always wanted to be a Playgirl-boy. The shoot was really fun actually, of course the photographers all had to wear protective sunglasses in order to prevent them from going into a lust-enduced-frenzy, I didn't mind though, the more reflective surfaces I am surrounded by, the better I feel. And boy, did I feel good, It was way more relaxed than the shoot I did with Hunks for Hunks magazine, not that I don't whole heartedly endorse that publication.

If you can (and believe me, it won't be easy) pull your eyes away from the pictures, you will be rewarded with an indepth interview. I talk about my rigorous training schedule, baby-rich diet, favourite colour (beige), confused teenage years, my solid gold rad 175 and the one that got away (she broke my heart...)(...and our dry wall)

Looking forward to all your feedback!

Happy Valentine's Day!

I like giving treats (in every sense of the word, wink). I'm sure you've figured that out by now. Well, as a special Valentines treat I'm going to bestow upon you the first photo of the entire NUIG white water team, socialising together, post-training. Now, I know what you're thinking : "I don't care how handsome this quartet of paddle-propelled brilliance is, the white water teams are supposed to consist of 12 paddlers". Well that would be the conventional approach but the way I see it is: If you've got such a highly talented and beautiful group as these four handsome devils is there really any point in letting the team be bogged down by the dead weight of eight inferior paddlers? I think we both know the answer to that one.

We have been training for this endurance (of both the perfectly sculpted body and the perfectly honed mind) race by diving into the Salmon Weir, seal launching off the top of the kayak shed onto sheer concrete and smashing ourselves in the face with cement blocks. This is just to get our bodies prepared for what is to come. Of course, my body has been ready (and tense) for a matter of years now, but some extra pushing it to the limit can only be a good thing.

As you may have noticed there are no XXs on the team. I feel this is more than fair, after all we want to win, and those type of people lack both the asthetics and burning desire which is so crucial. We want to eat the sweet fruits of success and let their delicious juices run down our faces.

10 days to go

Right guys, 10 days to go until the pantheon of the gods, the pinnacle of paddling heaven, the ambrosia of competitiveness, that is the Intervarsities. I can almost taste the blood, sweat, tears, and semen that go into these battles to the death to be the best long distance paddler out there.
Not only have I graciously, despite begging off everyone to enter everything singlehandedly, graced the club with my superiour LD prowess, I shall also be competing in the polo competition. We had a practice last night and boy can i tell you the othe 4guys and a chick(whats the deal with girls trying to do sport these days anyways, they cant even benchpress1 kayak let alone the 432 that i do everymorning before eating a baby) they really letting team Hurst down, I mean the audacity of them to tell ME to zone up??? Sure if I do that then who is going to singlehandidly be goalie, defender, turn over possession every time and score every single goal? Pure selfishness on their part, I feel.
Then those wannabes went drinking beer after, and eating chips, dont they know that a true athlete drinks only water and eats only raw carrots, yes as I am also a gourmet chef, I like to prepare spectacular 4 course meals using only these ingredients.
Still somedays when i feel a little down, and Long Distance just isnt helping me feel it, I check my favourite site, http://tinyurl.com/eaztw it never fails to help raise me from the deepest darkest pits of depression, and confirm that yes I am on the true path to surpass any semi-pro paddler before me.

I wasn't joking...

When I said I have a killer body, was I? Well I guess that's what pushing yourself to the limit every single day will do. Look closely at my right bicep. The one that I'm admiring, I know it's uber-hot, but that's not the point. The point is I got those juicy biceps through nothing but flatwater, pumping my paddle harder every day. The same goes for my kriptonite abs, look at them closely, do you see cheese remnants? I cannot, however, same the same for my rock hard, bulging thighs. Oh no, I got those mounds of muscle by running 37KM each day, so far my personal best time is 3.5 minutes. Sometimes when I'm running I get pretty hot, as you can imagine, therefore I have taken to running only in that sweet little black speedo, lets just say the power of lust is strong, so far I've counted 53 girls who fainted as I whizzed by, my tanned, toned, sweaty body glistening in the morning sun.

Symbolic Bowling

Hey there guys and girl-guys.
Well it has almost been a week since I took my group of long-distance padawans out for a little treat. I figured all their hard work really deserved a reward, so I brought them bowling. They've been training hard to compete at the theatre of dreams which I like to call the kayak intervarsities, and I felt it was the least they deserved. Now I know what you're thinking: "Boy Eoin, that's one hell of a present, but what does it have to do with long-distance?" Well friends, My apprentices couldn't figure it out right away either , but they soon cracked it. The Bowling lane is the perfect metaphor for long-distance: straight, long and flat, just the way I like it. When I told my vigilant pupils to think of the lane as a flat water course they soon got the hang of it, and why wouldn't they? It's not every day you get semi-expert tuition off a semi-pro paddler.
Well, As much fun as the boys and the girl-boys and I were having, the night was not without its unwanted interruptions, these came from thugs hoping to disrupt my semi-useful instruction. After I threatened one with a physical rebuke however they soon heard the voice of reason (my propellar (my fist)). Let me tell you, the body of a semi-long distance paddler is not one you want to trifle with.

A Special Treat

Many of you have been crying out to see pictures of me ripping it up in my kayak. As you know being a semi-pro kayaker is my job, when i'm on the water i'm working. This is how i earn my living. As a feast for your eyes here is a photo of me throwing a huge Bread and Butter.

Colours and me

Ok girls, in dreamier moments you’ve probably been thinking about what colours a handsome guy like me would look best in (that’s if you don’t get him naked of course). But no, that advice isn’t what I’m looking for. It’s my boat. My loop-the-loop Rad 170. While it’s glorious green and yellow speckles have served me well on my aquatic ambles for the past 2 years, I’m not sure that the colours adequately express my most enduring qualities. I spend so much time in my boat it feels like a big part of me and the colours need to express that.

So what do my fans think? We’ve got green, which symbolises fertility. No problems there ladies. Then yellow, which symbolises wisdom and joy. But what about purple, the colour of royalty? It’s no stretch of the truth to think of me as king of the wave. Those squirts and loops are kingly to say the least. But I think the colour that sums me up best is Gold.

That’s right, I’m on the look-out for a solid gold Rad 170. I aim to be the first white man to paddle a solid gold rad down the White Nile in the history of, well, the universe.

By the way, don’t think I’ve ignored the clamorous requests for photos of me avec kayak. You all thought right, I do look pretty good in it. I’ll do my best to oblige with some aqua pics sometime soon.

Poetry Corner

Had some time to myself last night so I put pen to paper, just thought to share my thouhgts with ye guys.

I don't do this for the fun or the pleasure,
My determination, no-one can measure,
I dont need nobodys help in my quest,
To beat the rest,
and be the best.

There aint ever been no river,
That'd make me stop and shiver,
I'll run it, nail it, huck it,
Those who doubt me, suck it,
Long Distance keeps me fit.

I'll head upriver each day,
not even a sweat as i break 37 K,
45mins return trip is no chore,
The ease of it is a bore,
Leaves me craving for more.

Playboating is my Ace,
Beginners get outta my face,
My skills to share cost a price,
pro's like me dont have to be nice,
Get out nd learn like i did in the slice.

4 and a half ends, a 2 min bow stall,
Wanna learn more? Ladies gimme a call,
My skills you cannot lie,
Are a pleasure on the eye,
Paddle with me, we'll reach the sky.